Friday, April 13, 2007


Okay, I know I should stop forsaking sleep for the pleasure of visiting strange blogs in the middle of the night, but a couple of nights ago I was truly surprised/horrified to discover a chat on the physical appearance of Jews that was kinda....well, anti-Semitic.

It is posted on a sleazoid blog called Drunken Stepfather, began with pics of Natalie Portman cavorting in a bikini and then devolved into a weird-ass posting on how cute she was despite being Jewish.

Anyhoo, the comments range from readers who are grossed out by the generalizing slur to further discussion of the general unattractiveness of Jews. The term "horse-faced" was used to describe Jewish women by a covert Jew-hater named "barry." My guess is that he resembles the Cryptkeeper or an uglier version of Imus.

After watching the unfolding of Imus's comeuppance, his public disgrace and teshuva (repentance), I thought that I should take a proactive stand against cybercreeps who are suffering from the belief that:

All Jews look alike; and

All Jews are "physically unattractive specimens"

And because there is no better educational method than one that involves fun and games, I devised a little game called Name the Jew. This game is geared for those who harbor anti-Semitic stereotypes in their soul and whose lifespans will likely be cut short by blackening of the heart.

In the interest of getting my butt to Fairway before Shabbat, I am saving time by pasting the public challenge I posted on Drunken Stepfather.

Read on:

It is time to take arms against a sea of morons.

In an effort to demonstrate the inherent retardation of claiming that “most Jews are unattractive physical specimens” — or even that Jews are physically distinguishable from, say, Italian Catholics — Bungalow Babe is challenging Frothy Afterbirth and Bored with Life and "horse-faced" Barry to a Sunday stroll through various neighborhoods in Manhattan in an effort to see if they can tell who is Jewish or not based on appearance.

This is a legit offer and it should commence ASAP, perhaps this Sunday, which is Yom HaShoah, Holocaust Remembrance Day. I KNOW that I don’t have to say the painfully obvious about why this is an appropriate day to engage in such an exercise.

But seriously, this is a real offer. First of all, it would allow these uber-creeps to unmask themselves and second of all, it would be incredibly entertaining. Jews come from EVERYWHERE and are light-skinned and dark-skinned, tall and short, slender and portly, dark haired, light haired and bald, large of schnoz and small of schnoz alike.

You guys are in for a surprise.

Here is how Name the Jew would be played:

We meet at, say, 3 pm on Sunday, at Lincoln Center, at the fountain. Then, we spend one hour strolling up Broadway, take a cab to the East Side and spend one hour strolling down Madison Avenue, hop a cab or train down to the East Village and meander about, and then end up in SoHo.

I will be accosting people at random on the street and asking them to stand still for a moment while my contestants guess: Jewish or Not Jewish?

We will accost about 50 people total.

If the contestants get more than half right, I treat to dinner at a kosher restaurant. If the contestants get less than half, they take me to dinner at Carmine’s.

Please respond to this challenge/offer publicly — here.

I invite the general public to come along.

As for me, yeah, I look Jewish.

Really Jewish.

Readers, stay tuned. Check in after Shabbat to see if Bungalow Babe has any takers.

Shabbat Shalom!!!!

1 comment:

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