Okay, so I have to admit that I turned a number of heads yesterday in midtown as I raced along 7th Avenue to my 3 pm meeting.
"Nice boots!" a heroin addict noted as I stepped over him, slumped against the Citibank across from Macy's.
"Great dress!" enthused a girl whom I nearly knocked down rushing to make my appointment.
"Love those shades," purred a professional pick-up artist in the lobby of the building as I stood in line behind him for security clearance.
"You look mahhhvelous!" gushed the entire female staff of the non-profit organization as I entered their office.
Beaming, I revealed the provenance -- and price tag -- of my ensemble:
Black Knit Dress -- Loehmann's, $29.99
Short Red Corduroy Jacket -- Old Navy from, like, six years ago, end-of-season clearance, $14.99
Black Tights -- Target, $4.99
Black Bead Necklace -- Filene's Basement, $39
Black Knit Scarf -- Gap, a big splurge at $45
Black High Boots -- Nine West, $69
Black Sunglasses -- Target, $6.99
And there you have it -- a fabulous urban fashion statement for less than what Sarah Palin spent in, oh, about five minutes.
In the space of one week, the McCain-Palin campaign has introduced America to both Joe the (fake) Plumber and Sarah the (serious) Shopaholic.
It is hard to overlook Sarah Palin's sheer hypocrisy (Hockey Mom. Not!) and the paper trail that sorta undermines her assertion that she and Todd are just regulurrr ole Americans. I think it is also fair to say that no intelligent person actually believes that those fancy schmancy schmattes will be donated to charity at the end of the campaign.
As the media has laid bare proof of her Olympic ability to burn through money during the worst financial crisis in America since the Great Depression, I thought I would just savor the moment and experience the full measure of my Manhattan elitist superiority as I laugh in her face.
Not for flubbing the answer to the third grader's question about what a Vice President does, as she did earlier this week, with only two weeks to go until Election Day. (Honestly Sarah. Wouldja please spend your evenings reading an SAT prep manual? Or find a copy of American Politics for Dummies and just memorize the part about Vice Presidential duties?)
Or for failing to name even one book, magazine or newspaper she has ever read.
Or for sounding like a highly-caffeinated informercial host who has misplaced her cue cards everytime she is asked to provide a substantial answer.
Or for being outed as a fake working class American.
No. The real source of my amusement is Palin's penchant for dropping one hundred and fifty GOP campaign big ones in retail outlets with ridiculously high mark-up.
Memo for Mrs. Pitbull with Lipstick: Smart, stylish women NEVER build their wardrobes entirely off-the-rack from Neiman-Marcus, Bloomingdale's and Saks.
Instead, they mix it up with treasures from sample sales and thrift shops, haute couture from H&M, Isaac Mizrahi togs from Target, designer duds from Daffy's and Little Black Dresses from Loehmann's.
While Sarah Palin sniffs about the un-American elitism of people like me, she has just demonstrated to her simple, working class constituents her complete cluelessness about the toll the economic downturn has taken on people's lives.
Way to go, Sarah! While people are losing their jobs, tightening their belts, worrying about affording healthcare or paying their kids' tuitions, why doncha just go out there and shop like a Lehman Brothers wife, circa August 2008?
You want to speak for Main Street USA? Dress like Main Street USA.
Don't spend over three year's worth of Joe the Plumber's salary, pre-tax, on your wardrobe.
In less than two months.
Next up: How long does it take the Vice Presidential hopeful to style her hair into that classic let-them-eat cake updo?